After going to Seattle to get the results of my X-rays from my Rhematologist Dr. Gardner I have been having all these feelings running through my mind that make moving forward a difficult task for me at this present moment.
What happened is I went to the doctor expecting the results from my X-rays, but ended up getting much more than that. My X-rays showed that I suffered some trauma at a young age and the doctor asked me if I had every jumped out of an airplane, because the damage to the top of my foot, ankles, and wrists from individuals who are paratroopers and jump out of airplanes. No, I have not ever jumped out of an airplane, though I do have to admit I have always wanted to. Just never had the chance to do it, no that dream will not be happening. That is not what is causing the tangles of emotional stuff that is coming up. The tangles are from my past with my birth mother, the many abuses that I experienced at her hand. The terror, the emotional roller coaster ride, the realizing that what I suffered plays havoc on my body now. The trauma suffered when I was younger is causing trouble in my body now. How do I change this into something positive? Will I be able to live a healthy life and face this newest challenge?
Yes, I believe I can. I needed a couple of days to look, evaluate, see what is actually working correctly and what isn’t. The value’s list that my therapist gave me is a tool that is helpful in ascertaining what I need to do. Even though my past experience with my birth mom causes me issues now with my ankles and wrists I am going to do what I can so that I can have the healthy life I dream of and part of having that healthy life is facing the truth of things. I have to face the truth of what I have come from and the damage it caused me.
When Myron, my fabulous care provider came this morning we made phone calls to the physical therapist places around here in Vancouver and the one place that caught my eye because of the advertisement and it says it helps with ankles and mobility. Things that I am working towards right now in my life, now I have my appointment set up for May 21st and I am excited about it. May 21st is my 38th birthday and a beautiful opportunity to focus on my physical health and getting stuff done, so that I can do all the things that I want to accomplish before I die. Now that I have the moving aspect down, now it is time to work on the over indulgence of eating whenever I have horrible news or facing unpleasant things. Yes, I will admit Friday when I got the news about my X-rays, the next day I went out to the store and bought myself a round chocolate fudge Bundt cake, chips, and my favorite a bottle of coke. Thankfully, Myron took half of the cake home, so I didn’t eat the entire thing, but I did eat some and that doesn’t do my body any good. I am hoping to gather new tools to help keep me focus on what my ultimate goal is and not turn to food when I am upset. Anyway, I hope to get back on track with my blogging and write the rest of the values out and my goals tomorrow. Stay tuned.
Here is a song I want to share: