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I’m Moving On!

I woke up this morning in a blissful mood. I spent my weekend in contemplative thought, because in my spirit I felt restless and unsure about where my life is going. I made some choices that I will be implementing soon. The reason for my restlessness is due to the fact that I have been stuck in my one bedroom apartment and not going out anywhere or truly living a life that I desire. That has to change. I made some plans to change that. I had a great conversation with a longtime friend, Summer. On top of that is I had two amazing things come in the mail, one from my brother and his wife while on vacation and then a sweet card from my friends Summer and Karen. They both gave me great hope, which I needed.

Myron arrived at 9 AM and 15 minutes later I received a phone call that would throw me for a loop and change the course of my journey. Dr. Anderson, my ENT has resigned from his job and my surgery for June 26th has to be canceled and rescheduled. I had a choice between two dates. I chose Saturday June 30th with Dr. Wilson. I do not know Dr. Wilson and he does not know me. My family and I both trust Dr. Anderson, because he’s been there through my greatest struggles and my most precious triumphs and now he is gone from my life. I do not know the reason for his resignation and that makes me sad. I hope that he will be okay.

I have to admit something here, when I got this news the first thing going through my mind was to say “fuck this” I am done, I quit. I didn’t do it, but I thought it. I wanted to run away and hide under a rock and cry my eyes out. I felt betrayed, I felt like I had the rug pulled right from under my feet, and I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Then I had to remind myself of the decision I made 3 years ago when this whole thing started. “I am worth fighting for”, so I chose to take a nap instead after making the phone calls to my sister Carri and friend Summer to let them know what happened and that plans have changed.

I slept for 5 hours and when I woke in a different mind frame. I realized that I am thankful for Dr. Anderson and all the time he spent with me. The way he taught me about my throat. The way he was willing to engage with other doctors on my behalf when I was not able to. To listen to my story and not only help me find the help I needed, but to learn how he could help me. He treated my family with that same respect and kindness. I have never had a medical doctor treat me in that regard and I will forever be thankful to him for showing me what a doctor and patient relationship looks like. I know have more than one doctor that I have kinship with and I am thankful. Maybe God knows something that I don’t. Perhaps, Dr. Anderson was to show me how I should be treated by a medical professional and what the relationship looks like.

I am also choosing to not let this change in my journey stop me from fighting on. I am realizing that I am allowed to feel blue and disenchanted with things that those obstacles are a chance for me to showcase my capabilities and to build a stronger bond with God, my family, and my friends.

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