A month ago I posted as my status to my friends what they did to sooth themselves when life gets tough. I got some interesting answers from the few friends who answered my question. One of those friends named Kris Esau graciously sent me a big stack of papers with some awesome ideas. I love it.
The reason I asked the question on Face Book stimulates that I have a habit of turning to food especially when I experience any of the HALTBS emotions. HALTBS stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired, bored, or stressed. It is an acronym that one of my therapists I had previous to Timothy gave me to judge what I am feeling when I head to the kitchen. I now know that the main reason I head to the kitchen to stuff my face full of food steams from two things, I am bored out of my mind or I am hating being me at the moment because some disastrous situation just happened. My therapist suggested that I come up with a box to keep ideas or things in to help me in those stressful situations. The last month I have been under a lot of emotional upheaval steaming from a wide range of things. First, I am still dealing with a disastrous friendship that needed to be terminated and that I now realize that I cared more than the other person did and I gave too much of my time, energy, and possessions to someone who truly did not value me as a friend. The second things is my ever changing health, from doctors who resign, to my trach getting stuck when trying to put it back in, to severe joint pain, or even yet the fact that I have no stamina to walk a block outside and I truly want that. I have been fighting my mind in feeling extremely lazy and what I call the Rick syndrome daily. I am passionate about not giving up on living the best life that I can at this exact moment. That leads me to the next reason for my emotional upheaval that fact that I am house bound, that I don’t have the freedom anymore to go anywhere that I want to go, even to the grocery store. I have to rely on someone else to take me or do it for me and that just sucks for me. I feel inadequate.
That being said, I started realizing that only I can change the circumstances in which I live my life with my disease. I also can decide whether or not I will just lie down and die and guess what I am not ready to lay down and die. I have too much to get done.
I am going to share some of the list of things to do when you are feeling like a big fat failure that my friend Kris Esau sent to me, thank you so much for the ideas.
I am going to share with you the ones that I like and want to incorporate into my life. Here is my list that I will be using in my own quest:
Lunch with a friend: Friends and family are great encouragers and offer great insight in my life. I am lucky that I have 3 sisters and a sister in law to bounce things off of.
Set table with best linen and dishes: I have a beautiful oak table that I don’t use. I often eat on my bed watching a movie or doing something on the internet. I would love to incorporate a time to sit at my table with the new dishes I just bought and enjoy my own company with some lighted candles.
Buy fresh cut flowers: I love flowers. I love daisies, petunias, peonies, lavender, tulips, daffodils, and I can go on for a while.
Have a manicure or pedicure done: I would love to have nice toes and finger nails
Go bicycling: Here in Vancouver they have some cool bicycle paths. The only problem is I need a bicycle. That is on my wish list.
Read a good book: Now that I discovered that I can get free e-books of off Amazon I now have 52 books on the Cloud Reader to read. I have no excuse not to read. I just finished one book and I wrote my first book review.
New Hair Style: I am losing my hair, so I have been looking at pictures of women with pixie haircuts. I believe that is what I am going to go for. I only need to get the extra funds in order to get it done.
Buy intimate lingerie: There is a scene in the movie Eat, Pray, and Love where Liz the main character is in the store with her friend and she sees this beautiful blue nightie and her friend says why don’t you get it. Her friend says who would I wear it for. Her friend says for you, wear it for yourself. I have always wanted something elegant to wear, but since I do not have a man to impress I have never bought myself such an item. I will have to change that concept.
Blow up a balloon and turn it loose: Right now I can’t blow up a balloon. That is one of the disadvantages of having a trach, you can’t blow up a balloon. Darn it, I cannot wait for the day when I will be able to achieve this.
Use A New Word: I love to learn, this engages that.
Go to the library: I have not been to the library since it moved. I love the library.
Feed the ducks and geese: When I lived in Longview. I enjoyed going to the lake feeding the ducks and geese. I am not sure where to go here in Vancouver for that purpose, but never fear I will figure it out.
Walk in the rain: I happen to enjoy walking in the rain. Not the stormy, big fat rain drops rain, but the light drizzle of spring rain or summer rain that seems to refresh the earth and my spirit.
Walk to the nearest park: Can you see a pattern here? Walking, I want to go outside and walk around without my breathing challenges and I know in my heart that will be happening soon enough.
Eat with chopsticks: I have always wanted to learn this skill.
Bake bread: I love the smell of homemade bread. I love the taste of homemade bread. I just need some bread pans and I am all set to roll.
Light a candle and read by candlelight: I can say that I have never done this, but it sounds peaceful.
Smell a flower: I can’t smell right now, due to the trach, but I will enjoy the scent of flowers when I can get my smeller back.
Take an early morning walk: One of the joys I remember from my school days was walking to school in the morning. It was a mile long walk and in the spring and fall the morning would be brisk, fresh, and full of the new day ahead for me.
Volunteer some time to a good cause: I currently volunteer for Living Ministries a great organization that my dear friend Summer started and I love what we stand for, to administer hope. I want to be the beacon for those out there, that hope is out there, especially when God is on your side. I want to do more, but I am not sure how or what that looks like at the moment. I know that in time I will be able to do all that I want to do.
Let someone do you a favor: I have a hard time with this one. I am learning to receive, say thank you, and accept help when someone offers it. This time with my surgery, I have had several friends Summer who listened to me vent about the obstacle that stood in my way. Karen who offered to stay with me and be there for me when I was going to have my surgery on Tuesday and Amber and John who have offered and will come down Saturday to spend the night with me when I get out of the hospital. My sister Carri who is taking me to the hospital and who has taken me to numerous doctor appointments, cried with me, prayed with me, vented with me throughout this whole entire process despite all of her responsibilities.
Go for a swim: I love swimming. One day I will get a bathing suit and do some water aerobics again.
Make your own candles: I have always wanted to do this.
Try a new food: I love exploring cultures whether through their music, stories, or food.
Listen to the rain on the roof: I love the sound of rain.
Hug a tree: I am a tree hugger. I love trees. They are so beautiful, unique, and offer so much for us humans.
Curl up before an open fire with some hot cocoa: one day!
Buy a ticket to a special event:
Pick up some travel brochures and dream: Places I want to travel to Italy, Ireland, San Francisco, New York, Canada, anywhere really.
Listen to my favorite music: I love music and I currently do that. It does help my spirit.
Enjoy a long, warm bubble bath: I do this too now and I love it.
Spiritual prayer: I pray a lot. I talk to God all day long.
Reflect on my positive qualities: I am learning to do this. In fact, my therapist had me make a list of my positive qualities and then he had me ask people what they are. I have them. It opened up my eyes to who I am.
Laugh: I love to laugh.
Watch the sunrise and sunset: I want to do this at the beach again.
Reflect on, I appreciate: There is so much I appreciate. I appreciate Carri, my cat, Myron, Summer, Karen, Amber, God, my doctors and a whole host of things.
Write my thoughts and feelings in a personal journal: I do this and it does help.
Make myself a nutritious meal: I am aiming to do a better job of this. I found some cookbooks in e-book format to boost my cooking skills for free on Amazon. A few of the 52 books are cookbooks.
Visit a museum or art gallery: I want to go to OMSI, the art museum here in Portland and so many other places.
Pet an animal: I enjoy my time with Nicholas. He makes me happy.
Attend a special workshop: I have been to a few of them and I have enjoyed them a lot.
Go on a picnic in a beautiful setting: I will do this one day.
Enjoy a gourmet cup of herbal tea or coffee: I have been doing this the last few days at home.
Imagine myself achieving my goals and dreams: I will get my degree in psychology. I will be a beacon of help and hope for those suffering with a chronic illness, and I will help parents with children who are a challenge. I will help children. I will be a good support to family and friends. I will write my memoir.
Go horseback riding: My dream is to ride a horse on the beach.
The lists were longer, but I only choose the ones that I liked and thought I could do and would do.