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Where Is The Drano When You Need It?

I am in Seattle again. Last night a gigantic clog decided it needed to come up through my t-tube at one in the morning. I suctioned and irrigated for an hour before I decided to call 911 for help. I knew I needed to yank the T-Tube out with my clamps and since I have never done it before I wanted someone there as I yanked it out. It was easier than I thought it was going to be. The t-tube is a flexible plastic device and it came right out without any hard tugging required. What I found when I got it out was an enormous clog of gunk that was the cause of my breathing issues. My friend Summer miraculously woke up in the middle of the night and read my text message. She hoped into her car and got to the ER in Vancouver at 4 AM. She missed the excitement. I had to have 4 different doctors try to shove an adult size tube in. The worse pain EVER! I actually grabbed onto the doctors arm because it was so unbearable. I grabbed his arm with the intention of yanking it off and hitting him in the head with it, but then the rational side of my mind came out and convinced me he was just trying to help me, even if it felt like torture. I am still sore tonight. I am waiting for the pain medication that the nurse gave me to kick in so that I can get a bit of sleep, but I fear that I am too wind up to sleep. I have some hard decisions to make concerning whether or not I will have them reinstall the t-tube or go back to the trach.
The pain medication finally kicked in and I got 4 hours of sleep and so I stopped writing. My plan for my stay here while waiting for my doctor to come back from vacation is to start writing my book, and remember what I am grateful for, and that Jesus has my back even if at the moment it doesn’t feel that way. One thing I learned about myself with this new experience is that I am capable of being calm in the storm while yanking things out of my throat and while in the midst of unbearable pain, with the desire to be violent I do have a great relationship with God who reminds me that even though the pain is happening I am still being helped and loved, even if it doesn’t feel like I am.

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