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Breathing And Singing!

“When you send forth Your Spirit and give them breathe, they are created, and You replenish the face of the ground. May the glory of the Lord endure forever; may the Lord rejoice in His works. Who looks on the earth, and it quakes and trembles. Who touches the mountains, and they smoke? I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have any being. May my meditation be sweet to Him; as for me. I will rejoice in the Lord. Psalms 104:30-34

Every morning I wake up having to suction out gunk. My suction machine looks like I am brewing this yucky tea and it is gross. Breathing, I suffer. How do I praise my God when I suffer so much? Here is why I am? One despite the fact that I have to wear a metal trach in my throat just to keep the stoma open just so I do not suffer anymore larnyxspasms. I am thankful that God has sent some amazing doctors my way. I have a team of five doctors who are standing beside me to keep me alive and kicking. How many people have that kind of gift? I have great insurance that pays for it all so that I do not have to come up with the cash to keep me breathing. How many people have that? Yes, I have to do the oddest things that many people do not have to do just to keep functioning, but I am not alone. Consider this; God has provided me breathe to create. I started this blog because of His divine creation for me. I have met and learned to use my voice despite the challenges because of this dreaded disease whatever it is or in whatever ways it attacks me. I have restored, resumed, and even managed to have healthy relationships with my family, friends, and amazing people I have met on Face Book and other support groups on the Internet. Despite my fears of men, I am learning that I can trust them. Many of the doctors are men and I have discovered that many of them are smart men, family men, and who love to help others. My eyes and heart are open to those new experiences.

Even though, I am still scared, because unlike God I don’t get to see the big picture. Which is something that makes me mad, I am a planner and I like knowing what the heck is going to happen; I am discovering that perhaps it is a good thing that I do not get to see the big picture because I would run away and hide instead of doing what God has put in my heart. Even if I appear to be this tough as nails woman who faces the challenges with grace and dignity I will tell you that I tremble inside. I get scared. I often question myself. I often times fight the negatives in my head that tell me to just throw in the towel. Somehow God has instilled in my heart through His comforting dreams, warm affirmations, and those who He brings to administer my fight mechanism.

Even though I cannot sing, the trach inhibits my ability, I sing with my heart and my soul and let others who have beautiful voices like my friend Summer do the singing for me. And the worship CD that my sister gave me I will let them do the singing for me too.

How do you praise God? Do you praise Him even when the times are a challenge or do you only praise Him when He does what you want him to do?

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