Relationships Part Two!
“I am not at all the sort of person you and I took me for”
Jane Welsh Carlyle
I found this quote in a book I was reading and felt a deep connection to the sentiment. In my life people have misjudged me, believed things or perceived things about me that has hurt me deeply and has caused me to question myself, which in turns causes confusion. Heck, some of them even made things up about me just to cause me damage. That emotional damaged hurt like hell.
In my life journey I have learned some valuable lessons about how there are two sides to every story. That everyone has a reason for doing and saying certain things to people. When I hear someone tell me a story about their ex or about a friend or family member how they have hurt them. I wonder at times in my head what they would have to say about it too. One thing I know is that with how many of us have been traumatized, hurt, beaten up, there are going to be certain things that will trigger emotional responses and it is important to be mindful of those responses before we cause further damage to those relationships that are valuable to each of us. I try to live by the principle of getting all the facts and insights before I judge, I extend love to them even if they have beaten me up physically and emotionally. Communication is paramount to any good relationship, but fear gets in the way of that communication and causes more damage to already hurt souls. Jesus did die and we are supposed to be remade, but part of the rebuilding process of our hearts and minds is being honest with ourselves and with Him about what is broken. How can it be healed and fixed if we do not acknowledge that woundedness. I have noticed that when I am wounded, deeply hurt I do not want to face it. I want to sweep it under the rug and pretend it is not there. I am the queen of hiding under the bed. Until it because this blaring massive clog of a mess that would need a high pressure washer just to get it out.
My illness is a prime example of me hiding under the bed. When I first started noticing the signs of being ill back in 2007 and 2008 before my first surgery in 2009 I pretended to be physically healthy. My feet and legs would swell up and I wouldn’t be able to walk to the bathroom or go grocery shopping for myself I had to rely on someone else to do this for me, but I still pretended oh that is nothing. It is just because I ate something I wasn’t supposed or some other lame excuse. I didn’t acknowledge the fact that my body was attacking itself, attacking my joints and my throat. I started having breathing difficulties then too, it just wasn’t that bad. I just huffed and puffed when I did any form of exercise and I just thought to myself I am just out of shape. Being honest about myself was a challenge, which made it difficult for me to be honest with anyone else. I viewed myself as healthy. I saw myself as healthy and I pretended and projected myself as healthy. That was not that truth.
What I am trying to say in this post is I would love to convey that before you go on an emotionally roller coaster of verbal slander and insults towards someone that you feel has wronged you or have taken an action against you. Try to imagine them as you, having the same wounds, scars, and traumatic events that shaped them into who they are and what they do to hurt you. By all means I am not suggesting allowing them to continue to hurt you, if you are being deeply wounded it is okay to say no I am not putting up with that from them. What I am saying is extend the hand of forgiveness to them, pray for them, and view them as someone who is hurt like you are. And if it is someone you want a relationship with and it is valuable and worth fighting for, then ask them what they are thinking and calmly tell them how you are feeling. Do this when the emotional rampage is done in your mind and heart, not in the heat of the moment.
Relationships are worth fighting for even if sometimes we have to bang our heads against the wall.
To my brother Rob, sister Carri, sister Joy, and sister Vickie. I love you deeply. Thank you for the support and courage to fight on. I value our relationship.
To my friends who are standing beside and sending encouraging cards, gifts, and messages thank you so much. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I value your relationship too.
To everyone else, remember relationships are worth the extra effort and are worth fighting for. They are not easy and often time a big mess, but forgiving is the key element of it, along with the love.