Last night I went to bed early, around 8 PM only to wake up by 10 PM with the pit of my stomach hurting. I have gone through this similar thing before. Every so often, my stomach stops digesting food and I end up with a pain in the pit of my stomach until I throw up. After I throw up whatever is in my stomach I feel better. The process of expelling is a pain, I end up making extra saliva in my mouth, waiting, and it is a waiting game until the stuff decides it wants to come out. Reminds me so much of this entire journey I have been on with the numerous doctor appointments, blood tests, biopsies, surgeries, relationships, and all these things. I have come to the conclusion; I do not know a damn thing about life.
Though to be honest with the stomach issue I have not been eating that great. No wonder my stomach said girl, you are going to listen to me even if I have to hit you where it hurts. Lately, I have been deeply thinking about my body and what it is I want to accomplish with it. God talks about taking care of our body because it is our temple. Makes so much sense doesn’t it? That is until it requires the actions to carry out the simple task of nourishing one’s body. It is a job. Think about it. The right amount of water, the right amount of food, the right amount of exercise, and the right amount of emotional care all requires a balance. What exactly is that balance? I have come to the conclusion that everyone’s body requires something different. Think about this, there are those of us who can run and run without getting any sleep, then have a big sleep and then run and run again. Then there are those of us who can eat whatever we want, including chocolate, chips, soda, and be fit and no health issues. Then there are those like me who need extra requirements. Yes, diabetes is a serious effect, so is heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, and other ailments, but where does one begin, how do you reject the emotional and start taking care of one’s body? Last night I believe my body was talking to me, letting me know that she is not happy with how I have been treating her. Especially with what I have been fueling her with in order to combat WG or IGG4 whatever it is I have. I have been pissed off at her, so what do you do when you are extremely pissed off with someone you punish them. That is exactly what I have been doing to my body. It is so counterproductive. That has to change.
Doesn’t God reside in us, using us, so why doesn’t it make sense that we should be in tip top shape for the assignments he needs me for? I don’t take care of my temple fully. The only things that I have done lately is go to the doctor, getting treatments that drive me nuts, seeing a therapist to help me with my mind, and now it is time to get back in tune with my consumption of food. My temple needs a total rearranging. How about yours? Yes, I can accept that I have an illness, in accepting that I have an illness does that give me license to eat junk food, not drink enough water, not exercise (though at this point I am not sure exactly what kind of exercise I should be doing with a trach). I do have faith all these things will be answered when I am ready to actually listen to the answer.
I have made a decision to put my fight spirit into further action by actually following a plan that I found about a year ago with Dr. Mancini “The Power Of Self Healing” I am going to follow his 21 day plan. I looked through the menu options and I see that there are some amazing foods and I can have a choice to eat whatever I want. No sugar at all, or low sugar. Because sugar causes inflammation, so does so many things that are not man made. He says to have 4 meals that are plant based and 3 meals that are meat based a week. I think I go do that balance. It seems reasonable to me. In making this commitment to my body means that I am going to have to stop making the excuses of I am too tired to make meals for myself. That means also that I am going to have to received and accept my care providers help in the kitchen. Which I have been reluctant to do, because it is usually my domain, but if getting help to cut vegetables and make crock pot meals means that my body will become healthier, well then I need to get over my control issue and do it my resistance needs to be cut out. That is my plan, I am nervous about it, but I also know that it needs to be done. No more resisting the inevitable, no more resisting change, no more resisting the fact that I am a fighter, but when it comes to cutting out things I am a big fat chicken. So, I have my tiger pants on and I am ready to rumble.
What kinds of things do you resist?