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A Year In Review

I had an opportunity to view my timeline on Face Book. It opened my eyes to the fact that I had been through a lot in 2012. Six surgeries, getting a caregiver, learning to live with a trach and then a t-tube in my throat, doing the Christmas Angel Telethon, and building healthy and loving relationships with my family and friends and it made me realize how much I have changed this year. Every year I change and blossom into a better woman. I have help with my blossoming, God for one thing has lead me to many different types of relationships which includes 6 doctors, a therapist, my brother, my 3 sisters, 3 close and dear friends, and several acquaintances that I met on face book on the Vasculities support group, the HOPE support group, and Heart Change Connect. I have learned a lot about relationships and how to have them and how to be open and let people into my life. I have shared my pain, medical disasters, anger, hurts, and the joys of my life. I appreciate the simple joys of life. The simplest is the mere act of breathing.

I am hopeful that I am being healed, not in the manner that I desire, but healing is present in my life. Even if I still have to use steel trach to keep my stoma open so that I do not have larnyspasms during surgery. I have learned to move slowly in my life and appreciate the steps that I take as I walk my path. I am no longer running my path; I am walking revealing the truth of where I have been and what I am capable of as a woman with challenges in her life. I no longer blame anyone for my choices. I no longer hold bitterness towards those who hurt me. I forgive them. I may choose to not have them in my life, but I do love them and forgive them for their own choices and their own actions that caused me pain especially when they have lied about me or lied to me. I value relationship. I cherish those in my life who help me grow and flourish in my own struggles. They see my scars and still see the strong and beautiful woman standing in their mists.

I discovered I am a writer. I have been writing my blog for over a year now and I have readers which is something I did not expect. A lot of things happened that I did not expect. I did not expect that I would be courageous enough to take my trach out and then reinsert it back in. I didn’t expect that I would end up accepting a caregivers help and I most certainly did not expect to need all the surgeries I have had done this year.

Each step that I took this year has brought me to the place where I am now. A place where I value myself and those in my life and a place where I can inspire others to fight on for themselves despite being ill which it is so easy to become bitter and resentful. For my 2013 journey I am choosing to continue to walk the path I have been assigned and I am looking forward to whatever God brings my way. I have some ideas of what I would like to accomplish, but I do know that will take me making a big commitment. I am capable of making that choice of a commitment of fighting for me in whatever manner I need to.

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