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Musings From My Closet

I woke up with a new sense of needing to get some things done, so I did. I tackled my closet. I have a huge closet with shelves that make organizing easy. With the trach I have accumulated several extra trachs, suction catheters, gloves, water fishes, sterile water, sponges, ointments that go with my towels, washcloths, undergarments, batteries, light bulbs and numerous other things that go on the shelves in my closet. It is a cove of junk that often times gets messy. I have to clean it out and organize it every once in a while. Being the second and third day of the year I thought I want to start out organized.

Having so much junk overwhelms me, but I am grateful that I have the supplies that I need to take care of myself. I have a tiny one bedroom apartment and that doesn’t leave me much room to store stuff. I only keep the essentials and the things that I absolutely love.

This morning before I started cleaning out my closet I read Luke 9:1-6 about when Jesus gave His apostles authority and power to heal and get rid of demons. I reflected on what it is Jesus wants me to know about these six verses. He gave them an assignment, a journey. I surmised that I am on my own journey that God handpicked me for. To live life as a lady with a trach and a chronic disease, yesterday’s reading Luke 8:43-48 was about a woman with a chronic condition. Different than mine, but the anguish and the fear is still the same. She touched Jesus garment to be healed and she was healed. She had confidence and trust in Him enough that all she did was touched Him. I wish I had that much confidence in Jesus. I don’t. I have my own fears with my illness. Fears of not being able to live, being healed, what my assignment is, and what it is I am supposed to do, relationships, being open and honest about my ailment and feelings. Yes, I thought all these things while cleaning out my closet. Closets are where we hide our ugly messes, in our hearts and souls we have closets that we hide things from Jesus and He wants to aide us in cleaning out the junk and keeping the treasures so that He can use them. They are our gifts. How can we see these gifts when we have a ton of junk?

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