I clean out the gunk of my trach a lot. That is part of my regiment of the day, taking it out, letting it soak in peroxide, reinserting the extra trach in, and then cleaning out the gunk in the used one. It is a gross process, but that is something I am continually being reminded of. Life is often times gross, messy, and unappealing.

I read in my readings this morning Luke 9. The 25th verse hit home for me, got me to thinking. “For what does it profit a man, if he gains the whole world and ruins or forfeits loses himself?” Luke 9:25

Strange how the world revolves around others opinions, insights, and knowledge of things, but we don’t count our own beauty, knowledge, and opinions as worthy. God is in us, Jesus died for me so that I may have freedom. Freedom of condemnation, judgment, and most importantly the sin of ego are all conditions that us humans suffer from. Why do we smoke, drink, and eat in access? Because we feel guilt, shame, lonely, and we isolate ourselves because of those things. I isolate myself when I feel any emotion. “The real epidemic is not just obesity or heart disease or cancer; it’s loneliness, depression, and isolation.” Dean Ornish says and I agree with him. We want to gain a lot, we in fact have an abundance of food, clothes, entertainment and what profit has it given us? We still feel lonely, angry, sad, betrayed, shameful, guilty, depressed, and isolated. In fact a lot of the technology isolates us even more. I know I am not the only person who doesn’t want to face the grossness of life, so I self-medicate. We all have our ways of doing this. Mine happens to be isolating myself and stuffing my face.

I am aware, changing that is another matter. Knowing is half the battle.

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