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I Am Listening!

“Painful experiences are not meant to linger. They are meant to teach us what they need to teach us, and then dissolve into the realm of soft-focus memory.” Marianne Williamson

Our bodies are amazing creations. One thing I have learned over the years is it can absorb the negative and positive emotions around those in my life, as well, as toxins in the environment. I am not always a great care-taker of my body.

Recently, I experienced a negative and highly emotional experience that brought me back to where I was three years ago. I did not like it. I hate it. Being edgy, anxiety ridden and highly emotional made me feel emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained. How did I live for so long in those states? I chose people in my life who were toxic people, negative, thought everyone was out to get them, and highly judgmental. I absorbed their negative version of life into my body and I got sick. I feel in my bones that spending all my time in constant chaotic toxic and emotional state caused me to become ill. I was in this state for 14 years. It affected my life and how I thought.

Williamson says that “pain is experienced to teach us something”. What did I learn from the painful experiences?
I have a pattern of choosing judgmental, toxic, highly emotional, and anxiety ridden people in my life. I chose those who drop kick me to the curb when I don’t do what they want me to do and then when they are done doing what they are doing come back into my life. I have chosen people who were mass hoarders, who loved pornographic material (even watching it in front of my company in a loud manner) and who listen to and watched negative things that I cannot handle.

I learned I am sensitive to things. I also know that I have some amazing people in my life who give me positive insight, stand beside me through the valley of death to the valley of health. And I am becoming more aware of my own toxicity and am willing to do what it takes to work through the mess of my own emotions in a positive way.
Last night I had two dreams that brought some things to life for me. Dream one: I was in a crowd of women that I know, my sisters all of them family and friends who have become sisters to me, all of them were touching my stomach and telling me to listen. Dream two: I was running down my mom’s street on Pacific Way in Longview. I ran all the way to R.A. Long. I was breathing, I was not getting tired. I felt revived.

God I am listening! That is the message I have gotten from both of those dreams. It is time for me to listen, not think, not hope, but to listen to what my steps should be. I know I will be guided by Him to wherever I need to be.

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