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One Milestone

Another mile stone that is happening on my journey is that I can now put my Jaxton trach into the stoma without needing the mirror to guide me. I also learned the value of lube in making sliding the sucker in easier for me. Considering that I have had my trach or some version of it for over a year I feel that I am adjusting and doing what I need to do with it well. I still loath having to wear it and doing all the care it requires.

I met a neighbor who has a stoma and trach due to his smoking habit he has, he still has it, and I am sorry to say this but it is disturbing to me to watch someone put the cigarette to the stoma to take a puff from a lite cigarette. I know it goes straight to the lungs with no filtering from the nose or any of the other filters before hitting the lungs. That is why it is important for me to watch what I am allowing in my stoma and also to have the humidifier going. I do understand that being addicted to something is a difficult thing to get over. I can feel and understand the gentlemen’s anguish as he is living with a trach. It causes anxieties and I can understand needing something to calm the nerves. I just wish it wasn’t smoking. I will pray for him.

I have to say on this journey of mine I have met some encouraging and not so encouraging people who struggle with their throat either from cancer, smoking issues, or other issues like I do. We are all dealing with the issue of the throat and losing our voice and some of us regain it so that we can use it for the purpose we are meant to. I am one of the cherish few who live with a trach and can still be understood while I am talking. I don’t whisper, I can project my voice. Losing one’s voice for even a short amount of time is emotionally and spiritually draining. Communicating is something we all need to do, and I am sorry to say this about people well you guys move way to fast and expect me and others in my position to accommodate your fast speech, with faster answers. I do my best, but I often times annoy and I feel so humiliated by the reactions that I get. Where is the compassion, where is the patience, where is the waiting for me to ogle my trach so that I can talk to you? When I couldn’t speak and I had to wait until my voice box healed I had to write everything down in order to get what I needed said. That was even worse. My heart aches for those who have to communicate in these manners while fast moving people freely can speak and not care one flying leap how fast you are. They run you over, they give an exasperated deep breathe in annoyance. I have that happen to me quit often. What I have learned is to speak anyway, not coward away in a corner and not talk. Because once I tell them, let them know I have a trach especially over the phone somehow that slows them down to my level. Being fast is not everything. I don’t need a fast answer no one truly does. Waiting and being patient is a virtue. I am not always patient. I have my moments when I feel things are moving at a snail’s pace or slower, and I work on being mindful towards those who need my slower voice, action, and insight into things.

If I could impart anything to you dear readers it would be to take long deep slow breathes, feel the oxygen go into your lungs and release it. Before answering an email, or phone call take the time to actually think about what you are going to say. If you run into a person who moves slower than you ask yourself is there a reason for this and tell yourself it isn’t to annoy you and cause you issues. Truly, I am not trying to cause annoyance with anyone. And by no means am I preaching at you either, even if it comes across that way. I am expressing how I feel, something I am learning to do.

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