Courage To Ask
“I remembered that the real world was wide and that a varied of hopes and fears, of sensations and excitements, awaited those who had courage to go forth into its expanse…”
Charlotte Bronte from Jane Eyre
Standing in the shower feeling like I was going to slip and fall and crack my head open or better yet having visions of someone finding me naked and dead in the shower brought fear into my mind, so I faced my fear and I asked for a shower chair and a grab bar. It is hard for me to admit and to ask for help. I did ask for what I needed to make my life a lot easier. That is something I am learning on my journey. Asking for help is not a shameful thing at all. I did enjoy my first shower using the chair and the grab bar, so much easier and no worries.
Another change is in the decor of my apartment. I found a great place for my thera-bands where I can use them freely for my exercises. Why is taking loving care of your body and yourself such a shameful thing? Why is it that we work so hard in doing projects for others that we don’t take time to rest, regroup, or even to do something we love and enjoy doing? Why do the feelings of guilt and shame over ride our minds when we take a me day or week?
I am reading a great book called Lemons into Limoncello about how the Italians enjoy the sweetness of doing nothing. I love that. I know I often times feel guilty for taking breaks and resting. If we were to live the way the Italians do we would take an afternoon off to enjoy the sweetness of a nap and doing nothing.
That is my plan, take it easy. I am still going to do my exercises since I took two days off. I am still going to make my meals, take care of my cat, enjoy my new shower chair and grab bar, and do all those things that is the essence of my life now. I finally stepped onto my mini-trampoline and did one minute. I know pathetic, but it was all I could do. My heart rate shot up to 146, considering that a healthy aerobic workout is 120 for my age that is a lot. At least it wasn’t 186 or 190. On the days that I don’t get to ride the NuRide I will do the trampoline even if it is for a minute. I now know that improvement is possible it just takes time.
Slowly I am filling up my days with activities that make me feel like a human being again. I am beginning to feel secure in my own skin and in my own space. How about you?