“I will point out the road that you should follow, I will be your teacher and watch over you. Don’t be stupid like horses and mules that must be led with ropes to make them obey.”
I am the most stubborn woman. It takes me a long time to make a decision and I know that it makes a few of the people in my life extremely frustrated with me. To me I have to have all the information before I can even take the first step. The road that has been pointed out to me is a road of unknowns, deep breathes, yielding to a new way of living my life than I ever desired. I still have my goals. I know that the goals I have come from God. After all didn’t He create me to be who I am from the beginning? Still I struggle.
The biggest struggle is picking a road to follow. There are many out there. I have come to the conclusion that not one road is correct, the only requirement is believing and submitting to the fact that Jesus died for my sins, our sins and that we are dead to our old man ways. What eating plan I decide to follow, what exercise I decide to follow are only minor details in the road.
Ever since I came home Tuesday from my 6 minute walk test and started reading the pamphlets I realized this is going to take a lot of hard work and I must make a decision. Whether to say forget this and forget my dreams of traveling to Italy and France, helping Living Ministries by being their secretary, or stop writing my blog and just die or I could take the next step. Take the plunge of working hard towards my goals and onto this new road that is being fashioned before me. When something is not meant to be it becomes apparent by the numerous difficulties that happens that it is not meant to be. The fact that I set up two weeks in advance rides to the clinic to get my education in movement and nutrition tells me that this is something I must do for the next two months. Why am I being a stubborn mule over it? I know it is because I am fearful of the change. Who doesn’t like change? I know I don’t. It is scary, it is hard work to change the grooves in my brain to someone who is too sick to exercise and too sick to get off her butt and eat vegetables and drink the 3 liters of water that is required to make her body function properly. All along the road I have been reminding myself the most important decision I have ever made in my life “I am worth fighting for”. In fighting doesn’t that require me to do what is necessary despite the pain, frustration, and discomfort? Yes, I believe it does. Despite my fears I will face those head on and doing it anyway. I am not going to be a stubborn mule and have to be led forcibly to the change. This means it is time to get my juicer out of hibernation and start using it.