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I found out on Friday that the pulmonary rehab is already showing signs of improvement in my movement health. While walking the long corridor towards my doctor’s office my heart rate did not go up to 183 or higher like usual. It only reached 156. Yes, it was still a work out for me and I did count it as my workout for the day. I have to keep an exercise journal writing down what form of exercise I do and how long and all that fun stuff. I added my oxygen levels, heart rate, and my blood sugar. I learned that moving lowers my blood sugars and so I do have to be careful of that.

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Wednesday when I went to my last rehab appointment I still did not want to be there, but I went anyway. This time after riding the NuRide bike for 18 minutes and 35 seconds Deb the physical therapist gave me a thera-band for me to use at home for stretching exercises. With these I don’t feel so ridiculous doing. Now I am a proud owner of 3 different thera-bands, yellow, green, and red all different shapes and sizes. I am hoping eventually I will be able to use the 3 pound weights that I found at the giveaway table awhile back. And I hope to reach the ability to go out and walk in public without fear. That will be the best day ever.

Even though I have been resistant of going to rehab and I still got the improvements with the small amounts I was able to do which shows me I am right where I need to be at this moment.

As for the Otolaryngologist appointment on Friday I could have a bacterial infection, but he wasn’t exactly sure so he took a culture. I will get the results in two weeks. In the meantime he prescribed an antibiotic and some ointment for me to use. I hope to be able to pick it up on Monday if my sister in law will not be able to pick it up for me tomorrow.  While there he took the tube out of my ear and it didn’t ear like I expected it to. I am thankful for that.

Next week will be another start of two days of rehab and I hope to make even better strides than I did this week.

In the meantime I am working through my resistance to going to rehab and working out. It is not fun to me. The big problem is that I feel so lame not doing as good as I think I should for a woman my age. Heck, I can’t even walk on the darn treadmill that the older ladies are able to. It sucks. I know that Martin Luther King said “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase; just the first step.”  Remembering and believing that is another matter and that is what I am struggling with. I write upbeat positive posts, but sometimes I do have the feeling that I want to throw in the towel and say forget it. What is the use? But then I remember that I am here alive and kicking. That I do have an opportunity to do what I need to do to encourage people and to inspire them to fight on, but sometimes I hate being graceful and strong and I certainly want opportunities to fall apart and cry my eyes out without feeling like a complete failure for doing so.

As I move forward, I am learning that life is not always roses and sunshine, it sometimes includes rain. I also know that I am loved and valued. That is what I am holding onto on in this journey of mine.

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