“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” Reinhold Niebhur
I saw this quote in a book I am reading and my mind flooded with images and words. I sometimes do this when a sentence in a book I have just read causes me to evaluate myself and to think different about something. I have been having a hard time accepting myself. I am having a hard time accepting that I feel ashamed about how my body looks, how I breathe, and how much work it seems I have to do just be alive.
I have been walking to the lobby area of my apartment a couple of times a day and walking the store instead of riding the cart. I will be increasing these activities as my body gets used to the movements.
Yesterday I saw my otolaryngologist where he gave me a couple of injections of steroids around my stoma. It has been shrinking due to the inflammation that my body is experiencing at the moment. I am due for my Rituximab treatment on May 13th and I am looking forward to my infusion. I know it sounds strange that I am looking forward to being poisoned, but I am. Even though for a week after I get my infusion I feel crappy it is still worth it to me. It does what my body needs it to do and that makes me happy. Taking care of my body and accepting that I have to do things that normal individuals do not have to is a challenge. I am accepting that my body needs the Rituximab in order for the inflammation to be under control so that I can breathe and move my body. I need to move my body in order to do what I need and want to do. I will be heading to Longview for a couple of days to hang out with some friends and family. I will be taking a motivational interview class with a couple of my friends to enhance my job for Living Ministries. Next month I will be taking another class to have better skills. Improvements in order for me to do these things I must have my inflammation under control and I must be able to move without my heart racing. I am willing to do this. I can’t change my body, but I can change my attitude towards my body and one of the things I can do is move, drink more water, and eat better. What are some of the things you can change?