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Back To Myself

I am finally feeling back to normal. Though I do have tinges of feeling sore and of course my inflammation is not down. My sleeping schedule is back on my track. Sleep allows me to have the energy to wash my dishes, to journal, shower, and basically take care of myself. When I am sleep deprived I let all these things go out the window. I also have my primary doctor appointment on Friday to go to and of course my Rituximab infusion coming up on May 13th that I am looking forward to.

I am in the process of assessing my life. I seem to go through this every couple of years. Especially when new things come up in my memory bank to remind me of things and how they actually are. I t is so easy to not face them when you sweep them under the rug like they don’t exist, but somehow they keep reappearing instill I am ready to take out the clog and examine it and make choices that need to be made. That is my journey now. Taking out the clogs and examining them, assessing them, and then changing how I experience so that I can make better choices in my future. Life is like that.

One of the tools I just learned recently to keep me in the now is the tool I talked about in yesterday’s post. The “what, how, and when” tool and I have been using this tool a lot the last couple of days. It truly does help me accomplish more of the tasks that need to get done.

I also finally got off my butt and made a counseling appointment. I was seeing a counselor that I liked a lot, but he was only temporary. Then I got another one whom I did not fit well with. Plus, God was letting me know it wasn’t time. Things kept happening from me scheduling the appointment and then I would either be later or way too early because the lady who scheduled the appointment put the wrong time on my card. I hated that. It drove me crazy. It happened 3 times. I knew then I was not meant to continue with this counselor. I am praying that this time I will be met with a counselor whom will be able to guide me and help me in the areas I need. I am prepared. I have my list of things I want to work on ready for them. That was a huge step for me to take and I am thankful I took the step.

I am seeing the different stones on my journey, my path that I must take in order for me to lovingly take care of my body. My path is my own, no one else’s. Even though I am a relational being and my relationships are all vital and important to me. I must take this journey on my own. My experiences are mine. My pain is mine. My weaknesses are mine. My strengths are mine. My decisions are mine. My choices are mine. I love having the support that I have gotten throughout my transforming process and I am so grateful to every single one of you and so do not feel like I am slighting you in one bit by saying it is my own journey. You have your own journey to go on and we can love, support, and value each other’s journey even if we walk them alone. That is one of the biggest things I have learned. I must walk my path alone, but I am not alone. It seems like such a contradictory statement, but it is the truth.

Enjoy the sunshine. Enjoy the beautiful flowers. Enjoy each breathe you take today… Stay strong…

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