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Burnout Day 20!

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Today’s prompt:

  • It’s the worst. That feeling when nothing seems to be going right for you and you’re not sure when things will turn around. The dreaded, burnout.
  • What does it feel like? What are your burnout triggers?

 

I want to be negative when I answer these questions.  I am hoping writing this will help me get out of this nasty mood, so I am choosing not to write a whiny post.

I saw these questions on WeGo website and yes I know I am starting off late in answering this, but it is never too late to answer them. And what a better time to do it now while I am experiencing a burnout. With burnout I feel dreadful. I feel grumpy. I feel like a Sherman tank ran me over and keeps running me over. I feel out of whack. I feel unmotivated. I am tired. This week has been tough. I have been spending a lot of my time sleeping, which is out of whack. I am sleeping off hours and sometimes for a long period of time and then sometimes for a short period of time. I know this plays a big role in my mood. When I am out of balance a lot of things start going haywire I forget to take my medications which helps my body with inflammation and I eat crappy. Also I start biting the heads off of my cat and my caregiver.

To keep my foul mood under constraints I have been watching the Golden Girls, they always make me laugh. I also watch sentimental movies, such as the Bucket List, or even dark comedies like Dark Shadows with Johnny Depp. I journal, I write out what I am feeling and the reasons why. I also am working on not feeling guilty for having to sit on my bed to rest or sleeping for long periods of time or even wanting to rip my hair out. Yes, my body is being an asshole, sorry for my language but there is nothing better to say than this. Monday is a busy day for me I have some phone calls to make. 2 calls to the doctors for blood work for the Rituximab (chemo) treatment that helps my body and one to a grant that will help me pay for my electric bill which is another thing that this woman is worried about money, paying my bills. And I am ready to do something positive to help me move forward and finish my education so I will be calling Waldon University to see what I must do to get enrolled. I want my degree. I see myself helping others with illness’ deal with the changes in their lives and who better than someone who is going through something similar. I have let many of the tools and self-care rituals I have been doing go out the window. I have not been drinking my 3 liters of water a day, eating more vegetables and fruits, instead chowing down on chips, cheese, bread, other processed foods. This week has been boxed macaroni and cheese. Yes, I know not the best food to eat while a woman is in the middle of an inflammation attack, but it is so easy to go into this mode and eat unhealthy, let the mind monsters attack and take hold of my mind and beat me up instead of being mindful and do the things that make me feel better. Most importantly I have not been doing any of my exercises. Not doing these things that help improve my well-being makes me feel even more on edge and I feel like I want to crawl under my bed and wail.

What should this woman do? Like I said, I will be making my phone calls on Monday. And today, Sunday, I will be mindful of making sure I take all my medications and I will drink my 3 liters of water instead of a liter of soda.  This is how I break out of my burnout by allowing myself to go off and then getting back on the horse of self-care. I do know that I feel a lot better when I am taking loving care of myself and yes, even though I hate it burning out and having horrible weeks is a part of this woman’s life and the waning of an illness and acceptance is a big key here. I hate that word, but it is the truth.

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