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Fears That Suppress.

1 John 4:18

“There is no fear in love [dread does not exist], but full-grown (complete, perfect) love turns fear out of doors and expels every trace of terror! For fear brings with it the thought of punishment and so he who is afraid has not reached the full maturity of love (is not yet grown into love’s complete perfection.)”

I am fearful. At moments I can face the fear and say okay I am scared, but I am not going to let this stop me. Yet at other moments I do let it stop me.  One way it has not stopped me is dealing with my subglottic stenosis and trach care. I looked fear in the face via my mirror and learned to insert the sucker in. A way that I let it stop me is through building up my endurance. I will explain this in more detail. When I am walking, not even very far, a block or less my heart starts racing, at times I feel like it is going to explode. Then I think why am I doing this? Then I quit for a time, yet, another side, the fighter side takes over and says I can’t. Yet, the wimp persists until I give in.  I am calling out the wimp side of me on my blog. I want it defeated. I don’t want to live in the fear of exploding hearts and the what if’s. I can’t. I know this is not who I am.

I read this scripture in my devotional today. It caused me to take many things to heart. Especially the first sentence “There is no love in fear”. How can I love me when I am letting my poor endurance stop me from accomplishing what I want? Building my endurance up is the first step in the process of rebuilding my life and expanding it. I figure this out while talking to my counselor last Friday. He gave me an assignment; make a list of ways to build up my endurance. I have some things on my list. I hope to figure out ways to put them into practice that I can stick with in the next visit.

Today, I am going in for my Rituximab treatment. I am praying no side effects this round like last time. And I am hoping to be strong enough and capable of going to the training on Thursday and Friday for SOAR for Living Ministries. Have an excellent day.

What fear do you have that stops you from loving? 

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