Can you believe a week has slipped by again? I can’t. First, a big pat on my back, I got the security code so that I can use the treadmill or bicycle in my apartment buildings gym. Saturday I walked for 5 minutes on the treadmill even with my calf hurting. I was hoping that the walking would make it go away, guess what that advice people spew about just walking it off, let me tell you it does not work. At least it didn’t work for me. It made it worse. I did discover that my body is low on potassium and when I get back from my trip to Longview this week I will be going in for some blood work. It is time for my 6 month A1C, Comprehensive metabolic Panel, and Vitamin levels to all be tested again. The life of a chronically ill person is blood tests, doctor appointments, and always and I mean always listening to what my body is telling me. I don’t always listen, but I try.

I am still writing my book, I now have 157 pages written. I hope to have the book finished and ready for beta readers by my 40th birthday next year. I am not sure how I will get it published all I know is that I am being directed to write this book and I am sure the publishing will happen when I am done. I am surrendering.

 I have been reading, yes, I know, I read a lot. I have always loved reading and that will never stop. Anyway, I am in the middle of this book about surrendering to God and releasing control. I am working on that. With my illness and everything that has happened in the last 4 years letting go of my plans, my control, or even my expectations is a huge challenge, but I know in my heart and soul it is something I must do. It is part of my healing journey. Surrendering feels like a weak thing to do, but it truly isn’t. Being free from anger, resentment, bitterness, guilt, and shame is a strong thing, all those other emotions make one weak. And man does it cause a lot of problems in relationships, including my relationship with me. I will write more about surrendering when I am finished with the book.

I also ventured out and starting reading a book about dating. I know, dating scares the bejesus out of me, but I felt like well. Could there be a guy who could accept me with my trach and abrasive personality? Or am I destined to be alone? I think my aversion to relationship with males is fear of not being good enough, not being wanted, being rejected. You know all those fears that plaques every woman. So what do I do when I am afraid, I avoid and say I am not going to partake. And I haven’t. In fact, two of the relationships I was in were only superficial and not real. Stay tuned for my reviews on both of these books.


I found a bunch of puzzles on my apartment’s giveaway table so I grabbed 7 of them. 6 of them are Thomas Kinkade. Another is of panda bears that I thought was cute. My caregiver and I spent an hour and a half getting all the edge pieces out and assembling them before he had to go. I love puzzles. I remember when I was a teenager, I know I was a strange teenager, but hey I am down with that. My church had a kitchen/dining area and there was always a table with a puzzle. Everyone and I mean everyone would take turns sitting at the table trying to fit pieces together and guess what happened communication started happening. People who wouldn’t normally talk started talking and though they weren’t the best of friends but sharing and trying to accomplish something as simple as putting a puzzle together bolstered relationship.

My goals for this week:

I am heading to Longview to hang out with two of my friends and learn what I can do to help Living Ministries and just have some girlfriend time. I am looking forward to this.

Once my calf is not hurting using the treadmill more often since I have the code now.

Getting my blood work done.

And of course, keep on writing in my book and reading and writing for my blog.

Have a great week, until next time… J

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