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Hope Flutters


Hope has taken over my heart. Seeping out of my skin and shining out of my eyes and my voice when I speak reigns with hope. I haven’t felt hope in a long time.  Since I got my trach I have been living in a dark place, though it may not seem like it. Yes, I was positive. Yes, I kept an upbeat persona. I had to. Hope was still missing. The reason being things seemed to be getting worse concerning my throat and not better. All the surgeries, all the mishaps that left me so exhausted and wondering why I am even fighting and yet hope eluded my soul.

Yesterday morning I had my appointment with my Otolaryngologist, Dr. Hillel. He is an awesome doctor. I love him.  I finally got the shot of hope I needed. I now can plan a future. Yes, me, a future. I have felt stagnate, deflated, and hopeless when it came to my future. Now there is hope. I know I will have to take time to plan it out and move slowly through these new doors. Dr. Hillel said my throat looks awesome. No red swelling granulations, no bleeding when he put the larnyxscopy down my throat. I got brave and asked him when can I have the trach removed. He said it is looking good and that I need to have a dilation surgery to dilate my throat to 12 CM instead of the 5 it is at now. Then if it stays open to 12 CM for 6 months then I can get my trach removed. How awesome is that? I was so excited. I was so hopeful. I said to Dr. Hillel there is hope. He said yes. Last year I didn’t think there was, but now I do. How amazing is God. He is answering my prayers and giving me what I have been wanting. I feel like I have a second chance at my life.

My surgery is scheduled for October 9th and hopefully I will be going back home the same day. If not, then just an overnight stay.

My journey to healing has been long and difficult, but God has been with me through every single step I have taken. I have had amazing doctors who are willing to work with me and keep my breathing and being who I am. I have had amazing support from my family. My friends have been wonderfully supported too. I am so thankful. I am so relieved. I am so hopeful.


Yesterday to sort of celebrate my sister in law who drove me to Seattle and I went to Point Defiance Zoo in Tacoma to see the baby tiger that is 5 months old. She is adorable. I loved seeing the Falcon, the sting rays, leopards, and red wolves. All these creatures were so beautiful.


Stay tune… I am now going to start planning my life…

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