A New Idea
One week has passed since I got the hopeful news from Otolaryngologist. I have been processing the new information and ruminating on what my future looks like. Yes, I am nervous about my upcoming surgery October 9th. I am always a bit anxious when I am facing surgery, since my two larnyspasms have left me one with a trach and two feeling completely deflated. This surgery just might be my last one for my throat. If everything goes right, I could face the prospect of living the rest of my life without a trach. Yes, I will still have my disease. Wegener’s is not curable. I know this. I accept this, but what was hard was facing the fact that I had to live my life with a trach. In fact, I was ready to start talking to my new counselor about accepting my trach and living a life as a trach person and what my goals would look like. Then I was hit with my hopeful news and things changed.
I have seriously thought about what my life will look like now as a person who no longer needs a trach. Before my trach incident I started school so that I could become a counselor and I would like to focus on this again. My goal and my dream have changed a bit. I want to be able to support and encourage those who have trachs with counseling. Because when I am meeting up with a counselor they often times have never interacted with someone with a trach, just because I and others may have trach doesn’t mean I am not or they are not able to communicate. And one thing I do know for sure having a trach and the trauma that is caused from having to learn new skills cause’s frustrations, sadness, and a sense of deep loss. I want to support and encourage those who have a trach to realize their life is not over. They will still be able to laugh, cry, enjoy family and friends and be out in the world even with a trach. It just will be different. As you can see I have thought a lot about it.
I am not sure I will be able to go back to school, so if that doesn’t happen, maybe I can start an organization or even perhaps a new way of being able to do my encouragement and support of others will just happen to appear. That is my heart’s desire and now I just need to find the ideas and creative endeavors in order to get it done.
My goals for October consist on doing research on whether or not I can return to school and if I can find a different way of helping those with tracheotomies with encouragement and support for mental health. And of course keep on moving and giving up the cheese.