One Year

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“Success is not a place at which one arrives, but rather the spirit with which one undertakes and continues the journey” Alex Noble

A year ago I was at a totally different place in my life than I am now. This week, last year I was in the hospital yet again for another surgery on my throat to keep my airway open. I had been having a surgery a month for quite a few months and I was extremely exhausted and cranky. I didn’t feel, sense, or believe there was hope. I was completely wrong.

Looking back, through all the trials, all the medical challenges, and the mayhem of just struggling to breathe I realize how far I have actually walked on this path called Vasculitis. I am thankful that I am seeing the sun at the other side of the dark and narrow path. I am thankful that I had some amazing support. I am thankful that God lead me to just the right doctors that I needed even with my fears and trusting issues. He knew exactly where I needed to go, even though I have to admit I wanted to yell, “What the hell are you thinking?”

I still have struggles. I still have my pain. I still have my “Weeks from Hell” that Chronically Creative stated in her post this week.  In the midst of hell there is a challenge in seeing all the successes. We are so focused on the disasters we don’t see the amazing blessing that are on our path.

These two weeks I have had a lot of sucker punches in them, but the few blessings I have had included. Realizing that I can walk from my apartment to the lobby and back to my apartment and then back to the lobby without having to rest in between each movement and that gives me hope that I just might keep my air way open. To be honest, I am working on keeping that hope alive through Prayers and trusting God because I have brief moments like this in the past, but they never lasted. I am not going to focus on that. That one big blessing in my life in the midst of the chaos and pain has allowed me to pursue other things. Someone walked into my life in my apartment lobby and gave me an opportunity to receive some free education. I will be starting on November 13th, 3 courses. One will be on my writing skills; I hope to hone this so I can be an affective writer. I struggle with this. I struggle with my weight and I found a cooking class, yep done on-line. I am not sure how this will work out but I am excited all the same. The cooking class is focused on healthy eating. Then the third class is about using spiritual and healing alternative medicine, which is something I have been interested in for a long time now. They have several classes and all the classes offer a certificate. Yes, I have already signed up for 3 more classes for December. Each class is a 4 to 6 weeks long and I am happy to have an opportunity to keep my learning up. I am so looking forward to going to these classes and the fact that I can do them on-line helps me a lot.

I am far from perfect and even though I did get a little bit ahead of myself with all the good news from the doctors, but the simple truth is that I will always have Vasculitis. There is no cure for it. It will not magically go away, but I can manage it. I can still physically take care of my body by eating nutritious food, drinking a lot of water, taking all the medications that I need, and learning to live a balanced life. One thing I do know for sure, God will not and has not left my side since this whole thing started. He has always been there. That is something I can completely trust and rely on no matter what is happening in my life.

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