Proverbs 19:21

Many plans are in a man’s mind, but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand.

The rain is falling as I am sitting on my bed typing this. I love the rain. The way it quenches the earth’s thirst satisfies my soul. The last 4 years I have been wondering what my purpose is. Why God allowed me to live even with several near death experiences that last 4 years? If I were to be honest with you my dear reader I will share that the last 5 years of my illness I have been afraid. I have been afraid of making plans, because I thought what the use is since I will just die anyway. That no matter how many surgeries I had or the medications I take there is no hope for me at all. It’s exhausting being sick all the time. I am sure many of you know that much more than I do. Healing is the most painful thing ever. Right now, as I am sitting in my pajamas in the middle of the night writing this blog post I realize that it is time for me to start making plans. Not just saying I wish or I want, but to actually take the necessary steps to achieve my hopes, my destiny.

As I have written before, my health is important to me. I know that the biggest portion of my plans is towards my health. That includes doctor appointments, drinking a ton of water, moving my body, and even nurturing it with food and self-care. I have to make that a priority as I step through to a new chapter of my life. My forties will be far different than my 20’s and 30’s. This chapter I will not be in a toxic relationship with anybody. And I will value who I am and what I think even when I am in a romantic relationship. That being said, I am hopeful that that my 40’s will be full of love, healing, and respect.

My plans for my life are not always my own. An example of this concerns my illness. I would never have put being sick into my plans for my life. When I was younger I wanted to be a counselor. I wanted to encourage, inspire, and help people to reach their goals. That is still my goal. That makes my heart soar. Then my throat started closing. I started not having energy to do anything and I mean anything. All I wanted to do is stay in bed and just try to breathe. It was a struggle. I’m thankful that my throat is now staying open. God has blessed me. Now I am taking the steps I need to become who I am fully in God.

Watch this video, be inspired. Dare you Hardwell

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