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I am Blessed

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I am sitting on my bed enjoying the atmosphere of my home. I am sad to report that my surgery on July 24th did not go as planned. I had my sister Carri write down what Dr. Anderson said to her and my brother Rob while I was in recovery.

Trachea is small like a child. Dr. Anderson compared a man’s thumb to what an adult’s throat size and mine is the size of a pinky. That is not due to my disease. I also have a short trachea too. He did dilation above stoma and below voice box. Trach placed after surgery was too long and caused trauma and inflammation coughing irritation and had to be removed and original trach had to be put in. Tried to leave trach out but saturation level too low 85 percent oxygen and her lips turned purple. Doctor told Jamie that purple lips doesn’t look good on her. Lots of larynx spasms, so lots of paralyzing agent administered during surgery. Dr. Anderson hopeful to wean off little by little after surgical healing with a different trach with a cap smaller tube so air can bypass outside. When this happens she will need to have someone stay with her for a week to two weeks.

I didn’t feel like I was in my right mind to comprehend what had happened, so I asked my sister to write it out for me. This was my experience. I was wheeled into surgery at 5 PM. My actual surgery time was 2 PM. Then the next thing I remember is having a group of male’s standing around my bed helping me to breathe. I was feisty with them because the new style of plastic trach they put in instead of my old metal trach was not allowing me to breathe. I asked, more like told the doctor I wanted my metal trach. My head hurt, acid reflux was coming up, and my throat felt like I had swallowed a bunch of porcupines. I was not happy. I was felt disappointment because the doctor couldn’t tell me what was going on because of the stress of my waking up experience. I had to hold back my tears as I thought to myself I am going to have to live with this trach for the rest of my life. I started making peace with that knowledge. Then I was wheeled into my room and waiting for my sister to come in. The nurses got me situated and then Carri was in my room until 2 AM. My head throbbed, sleep was difficult. Thankfully my sister had Do-terra oils to help with my headache. I ended up with the acid reflux coming out and all over my nightgown and bedding. It was a gross mess.

Forgive me this will be a long post, but I do have a lot to say. I am still absorbing a lot of what is happening to my body and the new experiences.  I am back to suctioning a lot and cleaning out my trach more often due to the blood that goops up from the surgery. I am happy to say that I have some pain medication that helps with the pain. Today, Saturday my headache went away of I got more than 4 hours of sleep. I still feel week. I have been told not to lift anything heavy, not to exercise for two weeks. That is the normal for surgery.

I am thankful that my sister filled my bottles with Do-terra oils serenity, peppermint, and lavender. I find them relaxing.  Saturday morning after walking down to the lobby to use the internet I watched “Heaven Is For Real”. I cried. This is a true story.

Though I am still processing through a lot of the emotions I am feeling. I have decided to not to focus so much on getting rid of my trach and start focusing on moving my body and eating better. While in the hospital since I didn’t want to watch TV I took my Amplified bible with me and I read from 2 Corinthians all the way to Hebrews. I wrote out a lot of the scriptures that spoke directly to my heart. I am going to continue to share the passages that speak to my soul. This will I will be resting a lot and taking it easy and in two weeks I will start my exercise regimen again.

I am blessed. I am disappointed, but I also know that I am blessed indeed. I know God listens to me. I had an example of it this morning. While in the lobby one of the neighbors I say hi to and speak with his name is Frank and he is a vet. He was in Beruit and suffers from PTSD. He is a kind man. He walked and noticed that my trach was still in. He knew I was having surgery and that I was hopefully going to get it out. He saw my pain. He saw my disappointment. He went and unlocked the laundry room and then came back to me hugged me and kissed the top of my head. The reason why this is so significant is because I have a hard time trusting men. The fact that I allowed a man that I didn’t know well to hug me and kiss me is a sign that God has been healing me. God knew, because I told him that I needed a hug and some encouragement. Frank gave that to me. It didn’t feel creepy or nasty. It felt comforting.

I am not fully emotionally healed from my disappointment but it helped that Frank hugged me.

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