I am faced with another obstacle in my life. Of course, it is still my throat. Below my voice box this time around. It is jammed full of scar tissue. So full in fact that the doctor was amazed that I was still able to speak. There is no air flow coming through the scar tissue and you need that to make the vocal cords move so you can have a voice. I was stunned. I felt like I was doing well. But seeing the restriction on the CT scan brought it all in full view. The upper part of my trachea is clear, but the lower part is not. This has hindered the doctor’s ability to do the surgery that I opted to do to get rid of scar tissue. He has to go back to the thinking table. He has not told me to give up. I cannot imagine him every saying that to me. I am saying it to myself. Why don’t you just give up Jamie? It is useless? Just quit.
Though parts of my mind say these things to me, the stubborn part of me is still strong. I will not quit not until the doctor tells me I need. I’m hoping that with his surgical skills, knowledge, and his vast wisdom he will figure out another way to get the scar tissue and we can begin this process.
I am reminded that I have just read a verse that speaks well of the situation I am in now.
A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones.
I am still working through the emotions as I wait to hear from the doctor.