Be Still and Know
In the stillness of the quiet, if we listen, we can hear the whisper of the heart giving strength to weakness, courage to fear, hope to despair. Howard Thurman
I received a thoughtful gift from my sister Joy for Christmas. A handmade plaque that says “Be Still and Know”. Several times throughout the Bible it says “Be still and know that I am God.” The last month has been both painful and exhilarating as I have faced a few challenges and a lot of miracles. I have also met two of my focus foods that I chose to concentrate on this year. And started rebuilding a relationship that is valuable to me.
As you know the end of 2014 did not go well. I had to have emergency back surgery. Scary, frustrating, and made think about my sedentary lifestyle. I started physical therapy at home. I have met some great physical therapists from Touch Mark. And they have encouraged and inspired me to keep on going. Yes, I am still using a walker. More for balance than for anything serious. I only use it when I am going outside of my apartment. I am happy to report that I am standing up straight. I am moving faster. And most importantly I am no longer walking hunch over. I am learning that the simplest things in life make me happy. It brings joy to my life. This is where focus word number one has come into play into my life. That word is movement. I have made plans to do aquatic therapy. I got the okay from my rheumy doctor in Seattle. I also found out through Jason from Touch Mark what I need to do to make that happen. The only thing left is finding and purchasing a swimsuit. I’m excited. I am a bit nervous, only because I have no idea about how that will work with my trach. If I can become stronger then I will become capable of doing more with my life.
The second focus word that has come into play is surrendering to God. This is the scariest for me. That means letting go and letting God control things in my life. My first test, challenge was the loss of my cell phone. It is my lifeline to my medical team, family, and friends. I also use it as an alarm and a clock. When I couldn’t find it on Saturday. I freaked out a bit. At least my version of freaking out. I still stayed calm. I didn’t scream or throw things around as I looked from the phone. What I did was worry. Wondering how am I going to get the call about the throat surgery I was scheduled for. Then I worried about my brother and sisters worrying about me and not hearing from me or being able to contact me. Then I worried about if someone is going to use it and use up my minutes. Yes, my mind played on the monkey bars with worry. Quickly though, I realized this is an opportunity for me to stand back and see what God will do with this new dilemma. I felt more relaxed. I still had bouts of worry. What I did do is let my family know that I had lost my phone. Since I went to Longview to celebrate my mom’s 83rd birthday. I wondered if I may have left it in the backseat of my brother’s car. I didn’t. I am thankful that I have internet and was able to communicate with them through Facebook chat and email. My sister Carri helped me so much by calling the phone company and explained what happened. A new phone is being shipped and they canceled the cell phone so that if someone did take it. They are not able to use it anymore. I am grateful. I was grateful and happy. As for the surgery. I am happy to report I am not having one. The doctor took a look at my throat and discovered that the scar tissue is disappearing. That I don’t need to have laser surgery and have metomycin-C put on. I am ecstatic. I’ve had a lot of surgery these past 6 years. The new plan is for me to get a size 4 trach and then start the capping process. If the capping process goes well. Then I can get rid of the trach permanently. I’m so excited. This showed me that God has slowly and powerfully been working on healing in my life. I had to process it. I was dumbfounded when Dr. Anderson said this to me yesterday morning.
Another way surrender came into my life is through my brother Rob. Yesterday, my brother Rob came over to flip my mattress for me. That is all I expected. What he did do is my laundry, including putting it away, organized my closet, and vacuumed. I realized something about my brother. He shows love by doing something for people. He and I had a talk about me asking for help when I need it. I have a difficult time with asking for help. It stems from past childhood wounds and my independent nature. Part of surrendering is asking for help when one needs it. That is one thing I do need to work through this year.
I am wondering when the other words I have chosen to focus on this year will come into play. Four more remain, proactive, self-care, nutrition, and serve.
Has the word or words you have chosen made themselves known to you this first week of 2015?