What I Am Learning.
I am home. I am still congested, but at least my oxygen levels are back to my normal. I have a ton of new medications to take. Including a big increase in my prednisone. I was at zero prednisone and now I am back up to 60 MG’s a day. It sucks, but I will take it with the hopes of weaning myself off of it again. Who knew self-care and surrendering would come up so soon. I realize this lesson wasn’t just on surrendering to God, but also increasing my perceptions of what self-care is. Self-care isn’t just about the indulgence of hot tea, hot baths, and the fun things we all envision when we think of the word self-care. T
There is an ugly side to, but without the ugly side and the grunt work then I wouldn’t be able to breathe and do have the things I am able to. Self-care includes taking medications that I do not want to take. Suctioning and lovaging a trach especially when I am sick with Bronchitis or other colds. It also means letting people know hey I have a weak immune system please consider not coming by if you have a cold or flu like symptoms. It also means wearing a humidifying mask in order for my mucus to be thin enough to suction out. Like I said, it’s an ugly business. I’m thankful for all the medications, new and old. Self-care also means writing down things so that I can opening communicate with my doctors and even making those dreaded doctor appointments. I’m still learning. I still don’t have all the details worked out.
What I am learning right now with surrender is that there are a lot of blessings that comes out of just saying God you can handle this for me. I do not know what to do. My emotion breakdown in the ER Sunday night has opened my eyes to the fact that I already have an amazing supportive team. People I wouldn’t have considered before. While I was in the hospital my nephew and my brother came and did some small deep cleaning projects for me. Especially cleaning up the chair I messed up with my big explosions. My brother and nephew are going to continue to deep clean my apartment, even getting my carpets cleaned. I’m excited. Yesterday when my sister in law picked me up and after dropping off my 9 prescriptions that are new at the pharmacy. We went and had lunch. Then she needed to go to Office Max to return something. She came out with a bookshelf for me and one for her. She said I splurged. I have been needing a new bookshelf, possibly even two more. I have a ton of books and music. I don’t see that ever changing.
When we finally got to my apartment, my cell phone finally came. I can now communicate through text messaging the people I love and who support me. I’m still comprehending and working through all the thoughts and fears that made themselves known to me as I went through a scary breathing experience. Stay tuned. I am sure I will be writing more on this.