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Life Alterations

2 Timothy 1:7

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity of cowardice, or craven and cringing and fawning fear, but he has given us a spirit of power and of love and of calm, and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

The verse above I read the other day during one of my times with God. It spoke straight to my heart. To say that I am not nervous, anxious, or afraid would be a lie. I’m deeply afraid that my throat will close up again and I would have to again rely on a trach to keep me breathing. I’m also afraid that the goal I set for myself of having dilation surgeries once or twice a year is a foolish notion all in my head. Yet, I cannot help with what I am wanting.

Being strong, calm, well-balanced, and have self-control is not easy for this woman to have. I am thankful for God who is beside me when I just want to scream and go back to the negative mess I was in before.

My life has gone through many alterations these last 6 years. Some of them have been so painful with the shearing away of old things that I didn’t need anymore. But if the truth were to be told, I am utterly amazed that I am still standing here where I am breathing on my own. The joy of my heart is runneth over and I am liking it.

Each morning I get up, and I start my day with time with God by reading the two devotions I am into now. “Whispers of Hope” Beth Moore and “Devotions for a Healthier You” by Katie Farrell. I am reminded each morning that I am in the fight for my life and that I am not alone with that fight. I have some amazing tools in my arsenal. After reading, praying, and spending time with God. I get up and I see the bright pink exercise ball I bought myself a few weeks ago. I get on. I am doing small movements right now to rebuild the stamina and endurance that I have lost. I am capable of building it up again. I may not be able to do a lot of the gymnastics on the ball that the DVD or the paperwork shows people doing. I am still capable of rebuilding my muscles so that I will one day be able to put my feet on the ball and do the jack knives and pushups on the ball. Right now, I cannot see that. That doesn’t mean it cannot happen.

My 5 favorite tools right now include:

My two devotionals along with my bible

My recovery journal from custom journals.

Pink exercise ball

And my prayer journal.

These 5 tools gear my mind so that I am ready to rock the world and make wellness more than just a goal on a piece of paper, but something that I can actually achieve. A lot of times, in the last 6 years. I would write down my goals and feel like I was a big fraud. Or it was just kindling for the fire because with my medical conditions how in the world will I be able to do all these things I was envisioning myself doing. Seriously, those thoughts were bullshit. My life wasn’t over just because I couldn’t be the strong woman that I assumed I was. I think I am stronger than I was before. The way you decided to perceive and tackle a problem does say a lot about how it will be conquered. God told Joshua to circle Jericho and it will fall. How in the world would circling the wall of Jericho make it fall? But it did. One of the suggestions in “Devotions for a healthier you” by Katie Farrell was to write out scripture verses to post in places that you will see them, so that you are reminded of the power and faithfulness of God. I haven’t done that yet. I’m thinking the next tool I will be including in my arsenal will be boxing index cards or post it notes so that I can write out the verses to place where I am reminded. She even has a list of them. The verse above I am sharing with you is one of them on the list. I want to write it down and be reminded. Here is the verse again: 2 Timothy 1:7

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity of cowardice, or craven and cringing and fawning fear, but he has given us a spirit of power and of love and of calm, and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

I hope you will enjoy the moments of the day that allow you to breathe, smell, hope, love, and hug someone or even yourself today.

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