The best new chapters begin with faith and honesty. Chris Brown
Friday April 17th, I had my dilation surgery. The first one in a long time without my trach. Because of the larynxspasms I have had in the past in my voice box the Anesthesiologist has to be more mindful than usual. Part of my nervousness on Friday was waking up with a trach back in. Thankful that did not happen. Instead, I am still in awe about the amazing team of that I have in my life that keeps me breathing. New news about my health happened. They now I have to use a child size 4.5 in order to keep me breathing and incubated during surgery. For some reason my voice box is not opening at what it used to a child size 5. This has my team of doctors concern, and it is something that will have to be kept a close eye on. Despite the change. I am still joyous and hopeful. For I am still trach free. My oxygen levels are doing well. Although, I am still a bit anxious about my breathing that I keep obsessively checking it with my Oximeter. I know in time that will pass. Being able to breathe through my nose and mouth is a big change for me. 4 years relying on a trach is not going to stop flooding my head for a bit. I am confident in God’s ability to continue to heal me. I am confident in the amazing medical team that are not only conscientious, but also detail oriented, likes to be prepare, and most importantly are on the same page of keeping me alive and kicking and that we have a mutual respect for each other. I cannot ask for a better team.
While in the hospital I finished a whole book. “Forgiving Others, Forgiving me” by Renee Fisher. I believe Forgiveness and reconciliation is something that I want to work out on and is part of my surrendering to God and even my own self-care. Saturday, while waiting to be discharged. I had an epiphany. I am starting a new chapter in my life. I have a choice to make. I can allow God to intercede for me and guide me to where I need to go for my own health and even how much I am open about my own struggles. I am finding not hiding my own struggles has helped me be able to accept, forgive, and even handle the medical issues that are happening in my life.
Thanks to my big brother. I am now reading Laura Hillenbrand’s book “UnBroken” a True story of an extraordinary man who endured a lot during World War II. This man endured and lived through hell. I read 146 pages in a night and day. I am excited to see the movie directed by Angelina Jolie. I know it is going to be fantastic. I love inspirational stories.
I also have a new friend that my sister gave me. A blue stuffed hippo that I named Billy. He is stuffed with ceramic beads and lavender. I can heat him up in the microwave or put him in the freezer. Before she came to see me she asked me what I wanted. I said I wanted a hug and a notebook. For my hug, since Billy creator is Cozy Hugs, she got me him for my hug. I love him. The smell of lavender brought a lot of comfort me to me in the hospital and even while I am feeling anxious about my breathing.
I have started two new devotionals, “Whispers of Hope” by Beth Moore, a 70 days devotional on prayer. She uses the Praise method. I love it. Praying I feel is going to be an intricate part of my journey in my next chapter in life. The other devotional is “Devotions for a healthier You” by Katie Farrell. It is a 70 day journey focusing on God and your own journey to better health. Farrell shares recipes. I am on day 4. So far, I am liking what I am reading. I find it is helping me focus on extending taking care of my body beyond my throat and my breathing.
Before I went into the hospital I received my bright pink exercise ball. I know that this will help me expand my movement. It is bright, cheerful, and makes me happy when I see it. I plan on starting to use it on Monday. When my caregiver is here. That is when I will use it. Just in case I fall or hurt myself. That way I have someone to help me if I need it.
Keep breathing. Keep trusting and Keep praying.