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Finding Balance



For the last couple of weeks I have been ruminating on what my Rheumatologist said to me. “You can start focusing on yourself now” when he let me know that my illness is in control now I felt relieved but also nervous. Being in remission means that my illnesses Rheumatoid Arthritis and Wegener’s is under control. I’m not cured from the diseases, the inflammation is under good control. For the last 6 years I have been giving 100 percent of my time and energy to my illness. I don’t need to do that anymore. I am at a loss of what to do with my time now. This has given me a new purpose to my daily life.

Although, my schedule has opened up a lot because I no longer have to care for my trach or constantly keep on guard for any trace of my illness. I am left with a lot of freedom and boredom. I am still thankful that I no longer have to do these things. I’ve in a sense loss who I am with Jesus now that my illness is in remission, but that also means that I can cultivate an even better relationship and dependence on him in my remission. Thinking on this, I thought of some big goals I want to focus on and I know that it is going to be tough. I realize that I can’t give 100 percent of my time and life to them, but I can now give them a great big portion. The hard part is dealing with a smaller than normal trachea and sounding like I’m under stress when I am not. I get a lot of comments and stares. I don’t mind the comments of asking if I am alright, but the stares bother me. I feel extremely judged by them. I try not to think about it. I feel shameful that I am breathing the way that I am. I know I didn’t do anything to cause my breathing issue, but still those stares make me feel shameful. If you see someone struggling and you stare at them, please smile or even say hey are you alright or talk to them. If you see me and my breathing is cumbersome to you please talk to me or ask me questions, because I don’t mind them at all. That is why I love little kids, they ask questions and are not afraid of them.

June is about over, feels strange saying this already. So I have been picking my months goals. If you remember, I didn’t give myself a lot of goals for June because of the Rituximab. But I did pick a few and I rocked them. Here is a recap of what those goals were.

  • Finish “Living Well with Chronic Conditions” class: I did that. I got my certificate and got some valuable tips to help me on my quest for well-being. This class set me up for the intention of teaching this class in Longview/Kelso Washington which is my home town. The medical system is set up for failure and I believe this class would be a valuable tool. My friend Karen Clemenson who runs Wellness Works NW thinks so too. We are preparing ourselves for the goal of teaching this class to our community and setting people up for living well.
  • Make meals ahead: I did do this. I made glass jar salads and several meals in the freezer so that I didn’t have to think about anything while recovering from my infusion. I’m happy to say that I am stronger now. I also didn’t have the same type of fatigue that I normally would get. I believe my body is getting use to the medication being pumped into my body. I’m so thankful that I didn’t have the fatigue as long as I used to.
  • A blog post a week: I think I’ve been rocking the blog post a week goal. I have been reading some amazing books about well-being and attitude and devotions on the spiritual spectrum of my well-being journey. I’m excited to be sharing those book reviews on my blog in July.

I gave my goals for July a lot of thought of what it is I am reaching for. I found my purpose. My purpose is to encourage others to live well despite the many obstacles that they face. In what way, I’m not exactly sure, but I know my blog here is one way, my Facebook page and my Twitter account is another way. That being said, here are my goals for July:

  • Use the weekly goal set up that I learned in “Living Well With Chronic Conditions”.
  • See the nutritionist on July 14th and set up support and encouragement for my eating habits
  • Make a chart with my peak flow meter of my breathing for myself and Dr. Anderson.
  • Write down what I am eating along with the blood sugars, peak flow, oxygen, and heart rate in a notebook to show the doctors and nutritionists when I see them.
  • Write chapter one my book “Beyond”. I am starting over with my book. I feel led to do this.
  • Find another devotional to work along my bible reading and Chambers “His Utmost For His Highest”.
  • Write encouraging cards to people that I love and get their addresses.
  • Use my measuring cups and spoons for my food choices
  • Set up an eating schedule. Follow the rule of eating ever 2 to 3 hours like Ashley does.
  • Buy swim suit and start water Yoga at the local pool
  • Take my wheel chair out with Kelly and Jesse and walk outside for ten minutes in the early morning before the heat comes.
  • Write in my daily prayer journal. Continue my relationship with Jesus/God…
  • Set up get together’s with my sisters and friends.
  • See Eye doctor on July 9th

As you can see I have a lot of goals I want to accomplish for July and not all of them is about my health or eating or nutrition. It’s about all the aspects of my life. It’s time for me to cultivate my relationships and life. Here I go…

One Response so far.

  1. I am so proud of you Lady J! Keep rockin’!

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