People with growth mind-sets see their abilities, talents, skills, relationships, and intelligence with potential. Where they are today is a starting place, not a finish line. Lysa Terkeurst

The Lysa Terkeurst quote above is from the book “The Best Yes” that I just finished reading. This quote spoke deeply to me. What exactly does it mean to be in a growth mind-set? I had to deeply meditate on these words. To me being in a growth mind-set requires me to be open to learning. Open to not knowing everything there is about any aspect of my life. Being willing to accept help. To surrender to Jesus all that I need to fix in my heart, mind, body, and soul.

I am going to get real with you all. I’m not one to share all my dirty bits with the world, but here it goes. I have more wrong with me than what I write about on Jamie Chases Butterflies. I am what you consider morbidly obese. I was before I got sick. I can pretend that the Prednisone did it to me, but that wouldn’t be the truth. Part of being in a growth mind-set is admitting the truth to yourself and your support system. I loathe being obese. Not because I look ridiculous in a string bikini. I have never wanted to wear one of those in my life. I just want to be strong. I want to be healthy. I don’t want to die the morbidly obese way. I have seen two people in my life die the morbidly obese way. It’s not pretty. Both of the people I saw gave up on life. They were depressed. They were lonely. They were hurt. They weren’t willing to be in the growth mind-set. They pretended that they knew everything and that everything was ah okay. All while eating a pound of bacon, a pound of potatoes, and whatever else they could shove in their mouth to keep from feeling the pain. Pain causes many to do things to hurt themselves unconsciously. I know I am guilty of it.

I sometimes feel like I am excuse my language half-assing doing the things that I need to for my entire health. Yes, I do all the necessary things I must for my medical needs. Including getting infusions, having surgeries, and seeing my doctors for checkups. When it comes to food I fail miserably. Living with an auto-immune disease that is so uncommon that doctors are scared of it is lonely. I feel lonely and bored a lot of the time. Food seems to feel a void in my life. It feels like a toxic best friend that ends up killing you in the end.

The other night I had a dream. Where I woke up to music playing from an old stereo system that I recognized from my past. I went to turn it off and I couldn’t turn it off. The music wasn’t scary or anything, it just was in the middle of the night. Suddenly the screen blew off and I kept trying to put it back in the window so that Nicholas wouldn’t get out. But the wind wouldn’t let me. Then I really looked out the window. I saw these beautiful dark, blue, and pink clouds in the horizon and then I saw a tornado coming right at me. So I ran to go into my bathroom, but I didn’t make it before it hit. I flew into the air, but it wasn’t scary, more like a slow motion floating like in the Wizard of Oz. I was flipped, and it pointed me in a different direction.

When I looked at what a tornado means in a dream and what a window means. I came to the conclusion that I am resisting something in my life about me. I stepped aside and asked Jesus what is it that I am resisting? Because at the moment I couldn’t think of anything. A few days later it hit me. I am resisting changing how I view food in my life. I am resisting the real change that is necessary for me to reach the goals I want to achieve in my life. I am not being true to who I am as a woman of God or even to the supporters in my life. I’ve neglected a big aspect of my life. Food and my relationship with it.

It’s not easy giving up on foods that you enjoy that make you hurt. Tomatoes is one of these foods. I love freshly grown tomatoes. I can’t have them that often. I have read a lot about nutrition from different authors who say to eat this way for inflammation or that way for auto-immune. I haven’t found something that will work for me. I get confused. Because opinions are opinions and they do matter, but it also needs to be credited. I’m the type of person who has a hard time taking information at face value. Trust is a huge thing for me. I also need to know the information myself. Thus why I read so much about nutrition. This is a double edge sword. The more I read. The more I am confused. The more I am confused. The more I just want to go jump off the bridge into a big vat of cheese. But not making a decision about how I should eat is causing me issues too. What’s the answer? For me, I realize that eating more like how God tells you in the bible. More vegetables than meat or heavy foods is the way that is healthy. It’s hard for this cheese loving and meat loving lady. But if I am to be the healthy person I am meant to be then I have to pull up my pants and start walking that way. And stop reading books about diets. Diets are only temporary. What I want is a life style change. And the first step is always seeking God in this adventure and the second is to actually follow thru on my plans. That my friends is being in a growth mind-set.

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