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Admitting To My Regrets

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Every time I go into the rec room I see a young man running on the tread mill. We smile at each other and don’t speak. Today, we spoke. I admire people who go into the gym and do things that I cannot do anymore. I can’t run. Since my tracheal stenosis I haven’t been able to move my body in the ways that I used to. When I was younger I walked 2 miles a day. One mile to school and one mile back to school. I can’t even walk across the street one block to the store. This young man and I talked. I told him what I thought, that I am impressed with how he runs on the treadmill without falling. Something flew out of my mouth before I realized what I was saying. I told him to take care of his body now so that he doesn’t turn into me. Did I just hinted at some regret? I think I did.

Yes, I do have some regret in my life. I don’t like dwelling in regret because I believe it hinders my ability to make progress into my future. But I also don’t need to shove regret down deep until it wants to explode. That isn’t healthy either. What to do?

Regret, I wish I made some different choices when I was younger. I don’t know if my life would have been better or that I would have not gotten sick with RA or Wegener’s. Here are my regrets:

  • I wish I would have not used food as a comfort when I was younger. While living with my parents and then living with my boyfriend until he passed away. I worked out my issues by eating a 2lb log of cheese or stuffing my face with food until I was sick. I was miserable. I was hurting. I was stressed. I dealt with these emotions by stuffing my face. I had no clue that I could have had a different option.
  • I wish that I would have kept up my exercise regimen after high school. Such, as walking, strength training, riding my bike, or anything active. Instead I focused on things that did not matter.
  • I wish that I never would have started to drink soda. My boyfriend at the time drank a ton of soda daily. I took up the bad habit myself. Now, I still have the habit. I know it isn’t good for my health.
  • I wish I didn’t waste years in a relationship that turned out to be fickle and not real.
  • And finally, I wish I had focused on my own dreams and goals instead of helping others accomplish theirs and put mine on hold.

Just because I regret some of the choices that I have made in my 42 years doesn’t mean that I cannot make better choices now. I know this intellectually, but putting them into practice and following through with what it takes to make a different choice is another story altogether.

I made a choice, I asked my caregiver if she would help me make better choices with my food. She said yes. She brought over her recipe book from The Daniel Plan for me to skim through and pick out some recipes. I did. I was surprised with how diverse the recipes are. She is currently writing them out for me so that we can begin to make them starting on Monday. I feel good about this choice.

Writing this last paragraph made me realize that I can turn my regrets into lessons so that I can make better choices for myself and perhaps help someone else make different choices for themselves.

Do you have any regrets?

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