Codependent No More
My childhood friend loaned me the book “Codependent No More” by Melodie Beattie. She said that I needed to read this book that is helping her. I was intrigued. You can read her notes on this book at her website. I will provide a link at the end of this post for you.
I grew up in a chaotic and dysfunctional family. Addiction to alcohol, smoking, and drugs was an integral part of my growing up life. My review isn’t going to be like my normal book reviews I will be sharing my notes that I took while reading Codependent No More. I ended up with 6 pages of notes at the end.
Here are my notes:
- I grew up with addicts. They were addicted to cocaine, heroin, Meth, alcohol, cigarettes, porn, and abusive behavior. You can name something and someone was addicted. I felt like I had to be on guard at all times. I felt like I had to work behind the scenes to make my life somewhat normal. This is what a 5 year old is thinking. Codependent behaviors started early for me. I made a decision that anger was not an option that would work for me. I had to be quiet, watchful, and protective of myself. I also knew that I was on my own because the addicts that were around me were more focus on their issues than taking care of me. They were often unpredictable. I had to be ready to roll with it.
- Why I think I am Codependent: A) Think and feel responsible for others feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, needs, well-being, anything really. B) Feel guilty when problems arise. C) Anticipate the needs of others. D) Try to please others instead of myself. E) Find it easier to feel and express anger about injustice done to someone else. F) Feel safest when giving to someone else. G) Feel guilty or ashamed when someone gives something to me. H) Abandon my routine in order to respond to or do something for someone else. I) come from a troubled and dysfunctional family. J) Blame themselves for things and have others blame them too. K) Reject compliments or praise. L) Fear rejection and abandonment M) have been victims of sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse. N) Have a hard time making a decision. O) try to help others live their live and achieve their goals. This is me, I have done all of these things in my life time and more.
- Self-care is an attitude toward ourselves that makes us responsible. I am responsible for my spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial well-being. I am responsible for identifying and meeting my needs. I am responsible for solving my problems or learning to live with those I cannot solve. I am responsible for all my choices. I am responsible for what I give and receive. I am responsible for setting and achieving my goals. I am responsible for how I enjoy my life. I am responsible for the pleasure I find in daily activities. I am responsible for who I love and how I express this love. I am responsible for what I do to others and for what I allow others to do to me.
- I matter. My feelings can be trusted. My thinking is appropriate. I value my wants and needs. I do not deserve and will not tolerate abuse or constant mistreatment.
- Setting goals is vital for wellness and recovery from being codependent. Tips include: Turn everything into a goal. Omit the should’s. Don’t put a limit anything. Write your goals out. Commit written goals to God, speak them to God, ask for God to help, surrender them to God. Let go. Do what you can one day at a time. Set goals regularly. Check off the goals I reach. Be patient.
- Practice the 12 steps, keep on in the moment. Don’t life in denial.
- I have not practice good physical care while I have been codependent. This happens to a lot of codependents.
I gathered a lot of useful and helpful information and tips while I read Codependent No More. I shared what I was reading with my counselor. I realized while I reading that I have stopped taking care of myself while I was in some serious codependent relationships. My soul focus was to take care of them, to make sure they reached their goals, and that every one of their needs were met. When I didn’t I blamed myself and I abused myself with overeating and negative self-talk. When my last codependent relationship ended I realized that I didn’t want to live like that, so I have not been in one in several years. I especially liked the chapter on setting goals. I’m practicing this as I chart my food and share my food journal with my support system.
I hope everyone will consider reading this awesome book.
Here are some links: