Isaiah 54:4

Fear not, for you shall not be ashamed; neither be confounded and depressed, for you shall not be put to shame. For you shall forget the shame of your youth, and you shall not seriously remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Theodore Roosevelt

As I write this I am listening to Reba McEntire’s “Reba’s Number One’s” disc 2. My favorites are The Fear of Being Alone and How was I to Know.

Confession time. I have been procrastinating writing this update post. I have had many false starts. I end up erasing it and going to find something else to do. I just didn’t feel like writing anything. I’m still struggling writing this, but I know I need to write.

Recently I read a book about time management and scheduling things. It got me to thinking about my own schedule. I made my list of priorities. Included on my list of priorities is sleep, eating well, and writing. I am not married nor do I have children so I don’t have those responsibilities to consider in how I manage my time. That being said, I sat down with my calendar and I schedule times for me to write and time for me to do my research on my writing projects. I also roped a friend who is my accountability buddy so that I make sure I am sitting down and writing. I have been working on my sleeping schedule for the last couple of weeks. I go start going to bed around 6 PM and I have my nighttime routine set up and that way I can be up when my caregiver comes instead of sleeping while she is here. I am finding it is working for me. It is helping me greatly.

I finally got a port so that getting an IV is not torture for me or the RN’s who have to find a vein. One of the last times I had to get an IV put in I went through all but the last available rescue nurse. I was poked and prodded a lot. They finally got one in. Now, with my port I no longer have to go through that painful process. I got for my first flushing of my port on the fourteenth of this month. There are some issues that I am in the beginning of figuring out. How to do strength training with a port? Yes, so you know what I am researching. You are not supposed to, but then I’m thinking I can’t do cardio because of my breathing issues, so how in the world am I to get movement into my life if I can’t do cardio or strength training. I mean, come one. That is why I made an appointment with my pain management doctor who recommended that I go to pool therapy. I’m hoping he will guide me to what I can do and how I can do it safely without harm to myself. The life of a chronic lady is a never ending adventure.

A good thing has happened, my care coordinator told me about a program through my public library where I choose books on-line and they will mail them to me and I can mail them back. It is free. I have been ordering and returning books all through February. I’m enjoying it. I’ve read a lot. Reading is one of the pleasures that I deeply enjoy.

I’m feeling more at peace with my life with a trach. In November when I first got it back again after a year without that I became anger, almost bitter. I resented having to go back to a trach. It sucks. It still sucks. But I have made a routine out of my trach care. I have my bathroom set up with the supplies I need to change it out or clean it. I do this each time I clean my trach. It has become a habit. Now, I’m learning to live with a port too. It finally this week stopped hurting. I still feel it there, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. It’s right on top of my breast and every so often I feel it. It is hard and lumpy. I’m learning that setting myself up for success and scheduling time to write, breathe, snuggle with Nicholas, reading my books, having devotion time with Jesus, and writing in my journal all are vital for my wellness. Since November I have lost 39 pounds. I wasn’t trying to lose weight, but some weight has started to fall off. I think it is because I’m taking better care of myself. I’m still eating well, and I’m learning what works with my body and what doesn’t. It’s a learning process.

Stay tune, I’m planning on writing more often and research more subjects. If you have something you’d like me to research let me know.

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