What I’ve Thinking and Doing

I’m sitting at my computer trying to find words to write. I have a lot to say, a lot of things have been changing medically to my body. Things that are ugly and chaotic. Things that hurt like hell. Things that make me question every decision I make towards wellness. Things that make me want to quit. Things that make me want to yell a great big F*** You to the world.

I hurt, that isn’t exactly the right words to explain what is going in my body or why it is in pain, but it is the best that I can come up with.

At the beginning of this year I made the decision to focus on the word Rebuild, I had envisioned make great strides in my physical abilities, losing weight, and being able to live better and breathe better. It hasn’t happened yet. That frustrates me.

Here is what is going on? First, I’ve been dealing with a wound on my right leg for a year. It heals and then it starts to scratch, I get another wound. With all the immune suppresent drugs I take healing is not fast. Well this week I will be going to a skin doctor to have him look at it and see what is going on. I’m hoping he will be able to help me. Next, I’m still trying to get an MRI of my pituitary gland. I didn’t fit in the MRI machine the first time, so they sent me to another place but they didn’t take my insurance. Now I’m onto place number three. I’m hoping that I will be able to get an MRI so I can get my body straightened out so that weight loss will be a lot easier for me. I lose weight and then I gain it. In order for me to get gastric bypass I have to lose 58 pounds. It isn’t easy when I’m gaining and losing 25 pounds at a time. It’s frustrating to me. I’m hoping to get this quickly fixed with medication and not surgery. Then of course my on-going battle with keeping my trachea open so that I can breathe. It’s a challenge too. Thankfully, I finally got my new large volume nebulizer. That took a month to get it. I guess it is true that nothing in life is easy.

The good parts, I’m enjoying the nutrition classes. I will be taking my last one on August 9th. That is where I learned about the app Baritastic. That is how I keep track of my food choices and water intake. In the stores lately I have found some great products to help me with my eating plan. Green Giant and Bird Eye make veggie noodles and cauliflower rice. I have eat the mac and cheese, the alfredo, beet noodles, zucchini noodles, butternut squash noodles, and there are many more to try. They aren’t that expensive, which I am happy about.

I aim to keep writing more than just book reviews.

Until next time, keep breathing!