The Art of Recovering!

I have been on respite from blogging. I didn’t plan it. It just happened. Two years ago, as I have written before, I had sepsis from an infection from a wound on my leg. Two years is what it took for my leg wound to heal. I still have three small spots healing on my leg. Thankfully, I no longer have to wear gauze bandages on my leg. The sepsis left me severely weak. The pain left me exhausted and grumpy. I am still recovering, although I am stronger,  I have a long road ahead. 

I went through an emotional toll that I decided to have quiet time. I needed to think and decide. I thought seriously about quitting. I thought about what is the use. Why am I allowing myself to suffer so much, when it would be easy to stop all the medications and surgeries and just pass. I spent my time watching TV and managing all the RN’s, caregivers, family and friends who came to see me. It is exhausting. I did not have a lot of energy. I still don’t have a lot of energy. 

Then this week, I watched Joyce Meyer and one of her talks. It was moving on. I found her app for my Smart TV and I found myself listening and remembering what I already know. I have a choice. I can choose to sit and stay stuck and do nothing or I can be in pain and recover. Either way I choose, pain will be involved. You can not get away from pain. I have chosen to face my pain and learn from it. It is not easy to feel the pain and feel the emotions and look into the eyes of ones who cause you pain. I want to remember, so that I can learn and know how to protect myself. We all have different ways of dealing with pain, my way is not better than anyone else’s. We all face and make our own choices. 

Currently, I am in physical therapy so that I can keep my muscles strong, especially in my legs. I am working on getting over my self abuse and berating myself over the fact I cannot look graceful and strong while doing my exercise. I am thankful that my caregiver has been doing the exercises with me. He is a good man, doing them even though it is nothing compared to his own exercises he does. I asked him to remind me to do them daily. Another thing I am doing is slowly remaking my habits. I am making choices that promote my recovery. I am not perfect. I still struggle with the doubts. I have a pile of books that I will be reading and posting reviews on my blog. I have some article ideas that I want to write about. I have a growth mindset. 

I am remembering what I said at the beginning of my journey, “I am worth fighting for, who better to fight for me, than me.” I hope you, my dear reader, remember you are worth fighting for too.