One week has passed since I received the devastating news about my left lung. My upper left lung is collapsing just like my lower left lung did. The human body has two lungs, the right lung and the left lung. There are 2 lobes in the left lung and three in the right lung. Lobes are the distinct, functional, and anatomical sections of the lungs. Each lobe has its own bronchial branch. I lost the lower lobe/lung three years ago. Right now the same thing is happening to my upper lobe on my left side.
My emotions have been up and down as I absorb the facts behind another health decline. Usually, I am the type of person to set my emotions aside to deal with later and trapeze around the obstacles of my health until I feel stable enough to pick up the huge emotions. It is time to pick them up and comfort them, acknowledge them, accept them until I am able to move through the mountain. Not over it, through it.
Defeat: When you say you are battling something, you think there is going to be a stop period and someone wins. With my illnesses there is no stop. My illnesses can only be managed, that my body will deteriorate and I have to accept it. I still feel defeated like I have not done enough, if I only ate a certain way, moved my body this way or that way, if I took this vitamin or some magical potion someone is hocking on an ad or blog post or commercial. Let’s be real, there is no magical solution to cure what I have. There is only managing the disease as it progresses.
Disappointed: I am disappointed in my body. I am disappointed that my fifties are turning into a sad existence. I am still working through my grief.
Despite these big emotions I am still taking care of my body and mental health. I am learning taking care of my body, spirit, and mind can be achieved during the worse moments of my life. I am given an opportunity to focus on a positive rather than a negative. I am able to move forward and fight for myself. I am worth fighting for.
Please wait...